Dear Abby: I have been married for 30 years. We had a happy marriage. My husband supports me in everything. Our problems come in the bedroom. A few years ago, he wanted to add “spice” to our relationship with Thrissum. I agreed to try it if it would make him happy.

Now every time we make love he wants to talk about another man being in our bed. I’ve tried to explain that I don’t enjoy it all the time. It has gotten to the point where I don’t turn on anymore. He can start beautifully. I’m on and we begin. Then he wants me to talk to him about another man being there, and I hang up. When I try to explain it to him, he gets angry or frustrated.

How do I continue my marriage without losing my husband to a younger woman, and add some spice to my marriage bed without talking about three? I love her and I don’t want to lose a marriage that we have fought to keep together through thick and thin. Please, help me keep my marriage together.

– Lost and frustrated

Dear Lost and Despair: If I’ve ever heard of a couple who needs to talk to a licensed marriage and family therapist — as well as a sex therapist — it’s you two. Sex is supposed to be pleasurable for both partners, not just one. Many straight men’s fantasies involve another woman in the marriage bed. That your husband cannot be aroused without you talking about another man raises questions about the nature of his sexual fantasies that I cannot answer.

Dear Abby: My husband’s parents treat our two daughters very differently. My oldest is bright and talkative, and she treats them both with love and kindness. They bring her gifts for holidays and birthdays and make time to be with her. Our younger daughter suffers from multiple disabilities. He is non-verbal and needs help in all areas. My in-laws act like he doesn’t exist. They never interact with him or buy him gifts.

They claim to be religious people, but I feel that their treatment of our toddler is completely devoid of love or kindness – the opposite of what their religion teaches. This is annoying for my husband and me.

We have mentioned inequality before, to no avail. In fact, they never even responded. what should we do? It breaks my heart to see my little boy treated by people who should love him unconditionally.

– Mother of two in Ohio

Dear mother of two: You don’t have to sit by and tolerate the way your little daughter is being treated. I agree that what your in-laws are doing is cruel and painful. It’s scary. So you and your husband should tell them that if they want to continue to see their grandchildren, they will take more care of the younger one, otherwise it won’t happen.


Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jane Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby. DearAbby.com.