Dear Abby: My husband and I have been married for 11 months. We have been together for five years and live together for the last three years. This is my second marriage and his third. I have suffered a lot from him and ignored a lot. He’s not affectionate, he doesn’t kiss me hello or goodbye, and he doesn’t hug me unless I say so.
It seems like he doesn’t like sex although he gets angry at me if I say so and says he does. We can have sex twice a month. I’d like it more often than that, but I’ve put up with his almost non-existent sex drive. He never takes the initiative. He is very moody and complains about things not being right with his job, his life, his 16 year old daughter (who doesn’t like being with him) etc. Still it doesn’t make a positive change. ,
After marriage he has stopped sleeping in the same bed with me. He claims I snore and it wakes him up. I don’t like having the TV on when I’m asleep, and he demands to keep it on. He won’t go with me to visit my family but demands that I accompany him to dinner at his parents’ place on the weekend and sometimes during the week.’
I moved an hour and a half away from my children and grandchildren to be with them. When I mention that I’d like the kids to spend the night, he comes up with a million excuses why it’s not a good idea, but when his daughter wants to spend the night, that’s perfectly fine.
OMG, as I’m writing this I’m thinking why am I with him? i feel like crying. I love him, and when I think about not being with him, it feels like my heart is falling out of my chest. What should I do? – Heartbroken and stuck in the past
Dear Heartbreaker: I know what I would do if I were in your position, but I’m not you. You said that writing this letter gave you insight. You seem to be an intelligent person. I suggest you re-read your letter several times, because after doing that, I’m sure you’ll know what you need to do. It is possible to love someone and not be compatible.
Dear Abby: I’m in my 40s and divorced after seven years of a terrible marriage. I have two daughters who want me to meet someone and find the loving relationship I deserve. The problem is that after the divorce, I fell in love with someone and decided to marry someone else. I have no way of knowing if he is still married. We are not allowed to have contact because of his jealousy of his new wife.
My heart is broken. I didn’t know how to move on from someone who I truly felt was my soulmate. How do you tell your heart to move on? It seems impossible. No one compares to him so I guess my only option is to stay low or single at best. – Blues in Ohio
Dear Sad: Any of these options may work for you. But a better one would be to realize that even though this man may have been your life partner, you were not his. Then make a rational decision to move on with your life. You’re in your 40s, and it’s not too late to meet someone you can live a happy life with.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or at PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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