Dear Abby: I have been married to my wife for a little over a year. i love him However, just before we got married, I met a coworker who I’ll call “Alexis.” We hit it off, and I consider her a close friend.

Alexis and I hooked up several times before and after I got married. We never discuss after the encounter. After a few drinks, we talk about living together, but usually, we’re just best friends. While my friends think it’s weird, it’s almost a blessing that awkward conversations don’t happen after a night of something happening.

There have been instances when I have cheated on my wife to hang out with Alexis – not to do anything but just hang out with him and his mom. My wife says I spend too much time with Alexis between work and after work, but it’s fun to be with her. My wife is a housewife of sorts. She doesn’t like to go out and have a good time.

My wife doesn’t trust Alexis, and while I can’t blame her, I’m confused about what my next step should be. I love my wife, but I love Alexis as more than a friend, and I know she feels the same way. What should I do next? – loves them both

dear love: You may love both of these women, but you are not being fair to either one. Your wife doesn’t trust Alexis because she senses something is wrong – and she’s right. You and Alexis are not friends; you are lover That you’ve told it to friends “who think it’s weird” (in your words) means it’s only a matter of time until your wife is in on the secret. Your first loyalty should be to your wife. At the very least, you get to have an honest discussion with her and figure out with her what the next steps should be.

Dear Abby: My husband and I have been going to the same dentist for 20 years. We’ve always had the same dental hygienist. There’s a computer in the room she works in, and she always schedules our next six months of cleaning before we leave. Over the years, we’ve noticed that he’s not very clean. She is sometimes very disheveled – with greasy hair and body odor. His treatment room is also very dilapidated. Last time I was there, she opened her wardrobe, and I was stunned to find it full of junk. We’re worried it’s unhealthy and we don’t want to see her anymore.

We love our dentist and office staff. They are the nicest, most considerate and professional people. I want to call and ask the front desk to reschedule our appointments with other hygienists and include in our files that we only want to see her. My husband thinks we should change dentists. To be honest, I’m surprised the dentist would put up with it, but he’s a kind man, and that’s probably the problem. Any advice will be appreciated, – formerly medical drama

Favorite Drama: You should have discussed this with your dentist years ago. Your concerns are valid. You have the right to be treated by another hygienist for the reasons you explain. However, for your dentist’s sake, as well as your own, tell him exactly why you feel a change is necessary. It would be doing the exercise a favor.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at or at PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

“What Every Teen Should Know” covers everything teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and how to mix with peers and parents. Send your name and mailing address, plus a check or money order for $8 (US funds), to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, PO Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Shipping and handling are included in the price.)

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