schadenfreudeThe German word used to describe the pleasure you get from another person’s misfortune has a new, much more good-natured sibling: Meet Freudenfreude.

In form of The New York Times reported in NovemberFreudenfreude is a term social scientists coined to describe the joy (freuden means happiness in German) you feel when someone else is prospering, even if it doesn’t directly affect you.

Some have noted that the term was coined by non-German speakers and does not sound entirely German. “Germans are generally not in the habit of showing pleasure at another person’s happiness,” a German translator told Slate gloomily. But Germanic or not Germanic, cultivating a sense of Freudenfreude—or making yourself feel bizarre joy for others—can greatly benefit your friendships, according to Catherine Chambliss, a professor of psychology at Ursinus College and author of “Empathy Rules: Depression.” , author of “Shadenfreud” and Freudenfreud.”

To test your understanding of Freudenfreud, think about the last time your friend shared some big, positive personal news with you: “I got my dream job with a creative agency whose I always talk about!” or “My SO popped the question when we were in Paris!”

did you do? A) Celebrate personal victories with them. either? b.) Try to fight a gnawing, unpredictable feeling of jealousy.

If it was the latter, it’s only natural. Making comparisons between ourselves and others — especially those in our peer group — is “kind of our default mode” as humans, Chambliss told HuffPost.

She said that comparison is a big part of how our brain judges reality, but we can learn to use this process more productively, especially within our friendships.

Chambliss said, “Instead of feeling crushed when we learn that others have reached some desirable destination first, we can be grateful that they helped pave the way for us.”

“When we are willing to share in the joy of others, we can achieve a greater degree of happiness.”

– Catherine Chambliss, professor of psychology at Ursinus College and friendship expert

Our close ones “inform us about what’s missing from our lives, whether it’s a friend’s promotion, a sister’s Shih Tzu, or a roommate’s excitement with a new romance,” Chambliss said.

He pointed to an episode from his life as an example.

“Years ago, a friend’s visit to Paris gave rise to a surprisingly high amount of envy, which I added to the fact that I longed to see the city of lights; I was oblivious to it earlier,” she said. “Getting to hear absolutely everything about her adventure brightened both of our days and got me eagerly pursuing a new, exciting plan of action.”

And there’s another benefit that comes with celebrating your friends’ victories: stronger, more supportive friendships, said marissa g francoA psychologist and friendship expert.

called a theory Capitalization Principle: The idea is that when we share our happiness, our happiness increases.” “And when we share our happiness, it increases our satisfaction in our relationship when someone responds positively. All this deepens our happiness.

Research shows that how people respond to your moments of sadness is even more important than how people respond to your happiness for our satisfaction in a relationship, according to Franco.

“We don’t know how important it is to show up in those moments,” she said. “It is a very important form of love—that people appear for our enjoyment and participate in our enjoyment.”

Feeling vicarious happiness means that happiness is not limited: “When we are willing to participate in the joy of others, we can derive great amounts of happiness,” Franco said.

Now that you know the benefits of Friedenfreude, here’s how to cultivate more of it in your life.

Say to yourself: “Right now, I can choose to emphasize competition or caregiving in this relationship. If I choose to care, we both win.

Chambliss said that by suppressing competitive instincts and choosing to focus on strengthening relationships, we can bring more happiness to others and ourselves.

“Humans have evolved tandem instincts to compete and caregiving,” she said. “We also have the power to choose which impulse dominates our exchanges with others.”

Look for moments when your friend is sharing an achievement and take a break.

It takes practice to better share in the enjoyment of your friends. For starters, we need to be aware when a friend is sharing their happiness with us. If they’re polite, they may be quick to move on to the next topic, but it’s your job as a good friend to make that win count again.

“How our friend responds to our happiness is a moment we’re going to remember when we reflect on our growing friendship,” she said. “Register your friend’s happiness. Look for moments when your friend is showing happiness and then stop and focus on them.

It also means never turning the conversation back to yourself, even if it’s in an attempt to build a relationship. This can come across as a superiority complex, even if that is not your intention.

“Don’t say, ‘Oh, you just got promoted? Oh, I just got promoted too!'” Franco warned.

By celebrating the victory of friends, we should<em>Own</em> can help motivate you to work hard to fulfill ambitions.” width=”720″ height=”480″ src=” =scalefit_720_noupscale”/></picture></div>
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Soulstock via Getty Images

Celebrating friends’ victories can help motivate us to work hard in our service own ambition.

Remember: It benefits you too.

As we mentioned earlier, celebrating friends’ victories can help motivate us to work harder in our service. own ambition.

One way to experience less envy — and promote Freudenfreud — is to practice enlightened self-interest, said Anja Stadelman WrightA Marriage and Family Therapist in Los Angeles, California.

,enlightened self-interest You don’t need to act out of pure altruism, rather, it comes from the recognition that if your family, friends or community is doing well, you will be doing better too,” explained Stadelman Wright.

This is especially true if you and your friend work in the same industry or share similar interests.

Stadelman Wright said, “If you work in the same field, it’s ultimately better for your friend to get the job than a stranger because if she does well, her connections can benefit you.”

“Our culture is so individualistic that often we don’t recognize how important living in a healthy social ecosystem is to our personal well-being,” she said.

Plan something to celebrate your friend’s victory.

If you’re not great at expressing yourself or struggle with expressing Freudenfreude, show your friend you’re proud of them by planning some celebration.

“Wish this person well, even if you don’t feel it yet,” said Glenda D. Shaw, Author of “Better You, Better Friends: A Whole New Approach to Friendship.”,If it’s a big deal, offer to take them out to dinner or help throw a party.

Be part of the process of celebrating their success: “If you feel part of their success, you’re more likely to feel the glow of their achievement,” Shaw said.

Thomas Barwick via Getty Images

Plan a party to celebrate your friend’s personal victory. “If you feel part of their success, you are more likely to feel the glow of their achievement,” Shaw said.

Missed the chance to celebrate your friend’s success? reach back out.

The pressure of convincing your friend doesn’t have to be in the moment. If you went straight to another topic or missed a moment during the conversation, you can send a follow-up text message or check up on it.

Franco suggests sending something like: “I know you mentioned you’re having a baby, and I realized I just moved on to the next thing. I just want to make sure Let me come back and share with you how excited I am for you and what a great mother I think you will be.

Take time to celebrate your victories, too.

Freudenfreude is a two-way street! So be sure to find ways to include your friends in your honor and victory as well.

“When you find great success, it is important that you embrace your friends, respect their value in your life; To recognize their insight and their support,” Shaw said. “By acknowledging your friends, you involve them in your success, and that’s all there is to it.”

#Freudenfreude #friendship #missing

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